Making Amends

So, I've finally gone to 2 baby showers recently. I couldn't bring myself to attend a few others I've been invited to in the past years, mostly because of self pity but also not really feeling the need to break down in a room full of mostly strangers. They were both for little girls. So much pink!! I realized that even though I don't subscribe to the "pink is for girls" and "blue is for boys" theory, it really does make sense. How else are people going to know what gender your baby with, generally speaking, no hair and no other identifying factors, is? An aha! moment. J and I go to ultrasound again on Wed. I'm counting every minute. 2 days before Thanksgiving is when we lost Luke last year and this pregnancy is exactly as far along as that one was. I haven't seen an ultrasound since week 12. I definitely feel pregnant, though. There has been some clumsiness that wasn't there before, a nice side effect from my ever expanding belly. I'm as sensitive as ever. Someone made a comment tonight about my growth spurt possibly being from eating too much over Thanksgiving. I'm thinking, "there is actually a human being growing inside of me!!" MEN. (Not my husband, thankfully. ;) I broke down the day before Thanksgiving. I was feeling fine one minute and then, all of a sudden, a wave of emotion came over me. It knocked me over and I realized that it was exactly one year ago that Luke had been removed from my body through a D and C. Waves of sadness, acceptance and gratitude rolled through me all at once. It was a cleansing time. Funny how our bodies remember when our minds do not (at least not at that moment). I'm hoping to get lucky and find out if it's pink or blue (hehe) on Wed. I'll have some sugar beforehand to ensure some movement, although with this one that's never been an issue. We have my parents, my mother-in-law and 21 yr. old brother-in-law, all coming with us to the appointment. I'm thinking of paying my lovely ultrasound tech, to give us her opinion, even though it's before the standard 20 week protocol. Only 3 weeks before, though. All the bits are in place, we just need him/her to hold a baddha konasana (yoga pose with outstretched legs) for a few seconds.