On the road again...

So, it's been a long time since I have written on this blog, but I plan to document our journey more frequently now.

What to catch you up on....hmmmm, where do I start?

We carried our last pregnancy to 22 weeks only to deliver our son through my transvaginal (TVC) cerclage. He was 10 oz. and 9 1/2 inches and he lived for 25 minutes in our hands.

We had a memorial service for him and buried his ashes next to his brother's ashes at a tree close to a pond by our house. My friends from my Mullerian Anamolies group were so gracious and bought me a gorgeous bracelet with each of my lost babies names as well as our earth angel and a spot for the next baby. They planted a beautiful Burr Oak down the street at a park. They donated to the March of Dimes in our honor (Jenny, specifically). They sent cards and 1 even wrote a small handwritten book. (Thank you, Kristen!!)

I received the placental pathology report back and it told us that I not only had an incompetent cervix (which we knew from my first pregnancy with my daughter as I needed a transvaginal cerclage at 16 weeks), but that I had an infection which I probably ended up getting upon getting the TVC placed at such a late stage with funnelling and only 2 cm. of cervix left. The more cervix that the doctor/surgeon has to work with, the better.

It was awful, honestly. And, it has remained so except that I have an amazing baby girl to brighten my days.

I started taking an anti-depressant after his loss and that helped me to get out of bed and lead a normal life.

I researched what had happened and discovered through my research that my OB was wrong in not giving me a preventative, but an emergent cerclage. I talked with 2 very well respected perinatologists and 3 very well known reproductive endocrinologists and all reiterated the above which makes me so stinking sad and angry. You know, the whole "what if" game?!

I decided to go ahead and get a rock solid cervix for our next pregnancy BEFORE becoming pregnant. That's right, folks!! After 3 2nd trimester losses and 2 early losses, I am STILL trying to have my own baby. Some may think I'm crazy, but I feel confident that this can happen.

I flew to Chicago from CO to have Dr. Arthur Haney, the head of OB/GYN at University of Chicago Medical Center, place a transabdominal cerclage (TAC). This was in February and we've been trying since then with no luck.

In the middle of this I celebrated my glorious 35th birthday which is not the best in the maternal world. Now I am labeled as "advanced maternal age" on top of everything else. :)

We are on our 5th month of trying and I talked to my reproductive endocrinologist (RE) who told me that he thinks that I am fertile, but understands the chronological age concern. My husband doesn't seem to be concerned, but he does have 4 years of living left to do to catch up with me. Yes, I robbed the proverbial cradle.

So, next month, I'm amping it up. I am going with the Clomid, hcg trigger shot and follicular monitoring. I feel optimistic leaving it to the hands of the professionals.

I'm also doing some alternative things to help with stress, etc. I practice power vinyasa yoga and have for the past 9 years. I have also started acupuncture and am starting to meditate....(ok, well, it's on the list of things to do starting on Monday. :)

I will write here about the ups and downs of our journey. I look forward to sharing with you amongst our trials and hope to support others that are on the same path.

Namaste (the light in me honors the light in you),

Jess