Stress and it's effects

As if all of the infertility stuff going on isn't enough, my dad has been ill. He has congestive heart failure and went through a triple bypass and is now waiting to have a pacemaker installed. I am trying to spend as much time with him as possible, but it's pretty tough since he is a few states away.

When I am stressed, I tend to break out in hives. Lovely! This may be an automimmune response that is messing with my hormones, as well. I intend to find out at my next reproductive endocrinologist appointment.

In an hour, I will leave to have acupuncture done with a fertility acupuncturist in town. It will be interesting to see what she says about the reason my cycles have become so long (28 days to 40 days last month and now on day 34!?) since I started seeing her.

Turning 35 two months ago put the fear in me so maybe it is more of a psychological issue than anything. You know, the whole "you create your own reality" phenomena?

I am just ready for it to be over. I'm sure many of you have felt this same feeling. I do want to say over and over again that I realize how lucky we were to fall pregnant easily with our daughter. Things would be so much worse if we didn't have her.

After our 2nd loss at 16 weeks in 2007, I became extremely depressed. I saw a psychiatrist, a nurse practitioner, a LMSW counselor and had lots of meds prescribed but nothing seemed to help and I didn't seem to really connect with any of these caretakers. My reproductive endocronologist recommended a grief counselor to me and she made a huge difference in our lives. She just seemed to "get me" and not judge. She had gone through her own loss of a child (he was 18). I couldn't even imagine that. Sometimes I feel that I had to create some extra space in my energetic body and get rid of fear that I was holding onto. As soon as I started to see her and follow through with EMDR (eye movement desensitivity response, I think) and the exercises she recommended, I fell pregnant with Caley. I don't think it was a coincidence. Another book that helped me was reading "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" by Christiane Northup. She had a remarkable grasp on the psychosomatic system as it relates to fertility.

In fact, I need to get that book back from a friend. I think it would prove valuable yet again.